Reflections on Now, Vol. 2

A gradient hue of gray is all I see. The Air Quality, which now commands capitol letters and a variety of  Apps on our smart phones,  ranges from 250 to 410, depending on where I am in the Valley. The fire rests on the ridge of Sugarloaf Mountain and I’m relying on a weather-person to tell me which direction of wind it will choose to follow.  Will it it travel to Kenwood or the opposite way, to other small towns in Napa?  I deal with the constant images in my mind of black lawn, charred trees, and ashen remnants everywhere. Images I’ve seen before and would rather not revisit. I fight my inner world of worry and try to keep functioning in my outer world of taking care of what is around me: Jeff, our 14 year-old confused dog, and friends and family that are reaching out in wonderful ways. What the future holds is unknown as it always is, but when there is a fire on the ridge deciding which way to go, the future is scary and exhausting. 

There is the television with the Presidential debates, current news, Covid reports, weather reports and a variety of other options, none particularly helpful or frankly, hopeful. Turn that off.  I switch to thinking about the strong hold of my attachments and how that is causing me anxiety. In Buddhism, attachment is one of the five Kleshas, or causes of suffering.  Attachment is clinging, wanting or grasping  to particular things, feelings or outcomes.  When faced with loss, it forces you to think about your level of attachments. Plural.  I’m pretty deep-seated into being attached to my house not burning down. It’s scary being one ember from homelessness. I have movies that play in my head featuring rooms in our house and the plethora of decisions that created them. I press play on the mind films of years of celebrating holidays and birthdays and I see many years of tables set with heirlooms that I’m proud to display.  I imagine what it would be like to start over. I worry that I’d be too exhausted. What if I just can’t do it?  What if all my creativity went up in smoke? Nothing left.  I think about the plants outside dehydrated blowing in the hot wind wondering why I’ve abandoned them. I imagine the work that it would take to fill the vacant, charred earth with new plants. Let’s be real, I’m even attached to the plants. Just these thoughts make me need a nap. I feel my attachments deeply, but I  have to allow for it. After all,  I’m faced with the loss of my home and all its contents and this doesn’t happen often. Oh, but it does… it did… oh… sigh… Fortunately, because of my yoga practice and respect for all the teachings, I am aware that my suffering is based on attachment and I know there is a way to some ease, to some freedom.  

What is the antidote to attachment?  If I apply non-attachment for a fleeting moment, I can feel that I will be okay with whatever happens. I will have my health and the love of many people in my life. I will have what it takes to carry-on.  My happiness is not contingent on one outcome. My happiness is deeper and is always there for me.  For all of this, I am grateful.  Having the ability to rethink the situation and see myself moving forward with whatever circumstances I am dealt, provides the relief I am seeking.  It is the antidote. “There is enough strength in you to overcome anything in life”,  says Lailah Gifty Akita. Thank you, Lailah. I believe there is too. It just hides sometimes. 

Reflections from this week strengthen my faith in remaining open to whatever happens. That’s not to say that I would not cry my heart out letting go of so much of my life, or that I would not curl up in a ball in my bed for what would seem like too long of a time,  but I would survive.  And when I feel myself open in this way, things coming and going, life changing again and again, it provides ease and freedom from that tight grasping for things I have no control of, like which way the wind will guide the fire.  It is said that we can live more fully by releasing our attachments and I feel how that can be possible. From the Living Yoga Blog,  “In fact, one of the key insights to Yoga philosophy is that it is only when we let go of attachment that we are able to truly appreciate people, things and events as they are, untainted by our personal agendas.”   I understand that.

Free Falling...Like the Maple Leaf

Tuesday, September 22 is the Autumn Equinox when the sun crosses the celestial equator and thereafter, we experience more dark than light each day.  Seasonal changes are a time when we can acknowledge that nothing lasts forever, everything changes.  As we transition, why not understand what could nourish and prepare us during the process? Ayurveda, the sister science of yoga and one of the world’s oldest holistic healing systems, treats seasonal changes with importance. Seasons are often depicted by what happens in nature. Budding, blooming, reserving energy, growing, dying are all things that we see in nature, as well as in our own bodies. It is useful to live in harmony with the spirit of nature. 

In many parts of the country, we experience Fall as the time of  year when colors change, leaves drop, the air  starts to cool and the lighted day shortens.  In Ayurvedic Medicine, Fall is considered the Vata season. Elements of the dosha, Vata are air and space.  Qualities are lightness, moving, drying and  cooling.  Picture a dry leaf gently swirling and falling through the  cool, crisp air as it finally reaches the earth.  As part of nature ourselves, during this time of year, we too are dry from the summer heat and beginning to retreat from active summer schedules.  We know days ahead  include wearing warmer clothing, eating warmer foods and spending more time inside.  I look forward to the grounding feeling of landing on my sofa with a book and a cup of tea after an active day (think falling leaf landing on the ground). 

Autumn is a good time to evaluate what you can release. Take some time to consider what may not be working optimally in your life and make a choice to let go of it, much like the leaf releases from the branch.  Perhaps it’s something dietary or a relationship or a nagging thought. You can think of Fall as the time to commit to unleashing what doesn’t serve you well. It may also be beneficial to begin conserving energy by engaging in slower exercise and less activities. We can retreat inward .

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the lungs and large intestine are addressed during  this season. The lungs are the yin and the large intestine is the yang, which indicates they work together to balance the body. The lungs are associated with receiving and the large intestine is concerned with elimination, the letting go.  Autumn is a good time to begin a routine Pranayama practice,, focusing on deep breathing to keep the lungs healthy,  particularly as the  West Coast breathes smoky air and the World deals with a virus that attacks the lungs. During an Asana Practice, we take postures addressing the lungs and the digestive organs fostering healthy breathing, elimination and proper nutrient absorption. 

Fall is also the time to hydrate, both internally and externally. Warm drinks, soups, oils (lots of good oils) and ample amounts of Fall vegetables are a good source of what the body needs during this season.  It is the perfect time to participate in a Cleanse guided by a Certified Ayurvedic Practitioner.  Giving your digestive system some pampering for a period of time promotes good health.  If you’re interested,  I can suggest people who know how to guide you through this process. Bathe the skin in your favorite oil (sesame oil is good for the Fall) to hydrate from the outside-in (think the dry leaf again).   Wrap yourself in a special blanket  as the evenings become cooler and allow yourself time to write a letter or read a book or call a friend.  Pamper yourself,  slow down, and draw inward a bit.  

When imbalanced , Vata energy can become agitated and fretful (think the dry leaf  falling through very windy air). Unfortunately, there is plenty on our plates to warrant these troubled feelings, so it’s worthwhile taking the time to understand how we can balance our lives during this season.  Fall is a good time to practice  tender loving care for ourselves as we change like the beautiful Maple Tree and draw inward for transformation and rejuvenation. 

Power of The Pause

We hear time and time again about the need to  slow down, smell the roses and chill out.  But do we do it?  Let me introduce to you the power of the pause.  Slowing down helps us to recognize how we respond to the various stimuli that surrounds us.  Try this experiment: notice how often you loose touch with what your eyes have had the ability to see during the past five minutes. How much detail did you actually see? And how much of that were you able to retain? Did you see the color green or did  you see the shades of green such as, sage, lime, emerald or olive?  Our multi-tasking and speed of life often create conditions where we miss the beauty within our lives. We see a forest, but not the types of trees.  We see a city, but not the architecture of the buildings.  

Pausing comes in handy during communication also. Notice how quickly you react to things.  Do you offer your advice and/or opinion with immediacy or do you wait to see if its warranted?  Consider a conversation that didn’t go well, one that you wished you hadn’t said the things you said, maybe one where you would take it back if you could.  Consider that if you had paused for a bit before you responded, organized your thoughts, empathized with the recipient of the words flowing out of your mouth, the quality of the conversation may have been better.   Learning to pause in between action and reaction provides space to respond more effectively. We can assess whether our response will be valuable or not. We  can gather our thoughts and  choose words that may be kinder or more precise or more useful.  Even a small pause allows the brain time to consider more options.  

Learning to pause can be a challenge in our face paced, demanding, exciting lives. When we are used to multi-tasking, checking off long to-do lists, and fulfilling our dreams, we may not value the concept of pausing.  It’s likely we don’t even know there is a lower gear.  Why down-shift when we have a fast lane? I believe slowing down, leads to a higher quality of living. We are more alive in our interactions, more available to our people and more engaged with our surroundings.  In short, we are more present and less impulsive. 

During a yoga practice, we can use breathing practices called Pranayama to help us slow the breath down.  For example, we can pause in between the inhales and exhales and take that time to feel the space. During an asana practice, we often pause in resting poses to recalibrate the breath and mind, and create some ease.  We sit in meditation with our thoughts and emotions in an effort to slow the rapidly thinking mind. These ancient practices  help us feel the powerful effects of down shifting that higher gear that we so often choose.

Reflections on Now, Vol. 1

One of the things that helps me during this challenging time is a trust that “this too shall pass”. While today it often seems overwhelming, the idea that one day it will end, shifts my perspective into something more tolerable. How do I know that this will be over, you ask?  Because nothing stays the same. Everything is changing. Central to  Buddhist teaching is Impermanence, where all conditioned things are in a constant state of flux, nothing is fixed  or permanent.  The aging process is a perfect example. We change every moment of our lives. Our cells are constantly dying and renewing.  Whether or not we believe in the Buddhist philosophy, we can likely agree this is true. 

In October of 2017, a fire screamed through parts of Sonoma County, leaving clouds of smoke comprised of Sonoma’s famed natural landscape and peoples’ homes filled with personal belongings. Thankfully, the fire did not take our home,  but it did leave much of our surroundings in ash. We came home to large swaths of acreage turned charcoal black and a peculiar smell in the air, the blending of smoke from things both natural and unnatural burning together.  The point of my story is that, today, almost three years later, the area is green and golden, verdant and alive. The air is fresh and homes are rebuilding anew.  What I see today was hard to imagine for many months after the fire. Similarly, it is hard to imagine life resuming post Covid-19, but we know it will because nothing stays the same. 

Pema Chodron in Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change, writes that “Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. When we resist change, it’s called suffering”.  The ground is always shifting and we can use this feeling of groundlessness as a path to awareness. 

Even in the best of times, present moment awareness is our refuge.  We can rely on it,  at any point in time for a sense of ease. When we fret about the future (which we do as humans,  and I am not suggesting that I don’t), we are typically not residing in a place of happiness or ease. We are thinking about the future worrying or planning, clawing at a certain mental state, likely the one you are not experiencing in that moment. Thinking future and negative thoughts can lead us into a place of  “dis-ease.” An antidote that costs nothing and is abundantly available is the “present moment”. Begin by feeling the ground beneath you, inhale and exhale, give thanks to the beauty that surrounds you, or the love that you feel from your family and friends,  or the fresh air that you breath. See if you can stay there for a few breaths at a time and notice what happens.

It could feel like doing the aforementioned is trite or “not really going to work”, but it’s important to note that these practices have been around for thousands of years. For some, they are a way of life. Our western culture is not as familiar with slowing down to savor the fresh air, but I can attest that after breathing putrid post-fire air, I am better equipped to notice the quality of air I breathe. It’s often how it works. We experience a challenge, and we learn from it. Perhaps, this virus will highlight the importance of being aware of the present moment and grateful for all that it gives us.  When this virus comes to an end, we will reflect on what it was like to live through it and we will be changed in ways we cannot imagine now.  Until then,  may I suggest finding little moments of gratitude, feeling the  ground beneath you, and paying attention to your breath?  Until it changes…and you begin the next breath. 

What does Namaste Mean?

You may have done it at the end of a yoga class. You bring your hands and fingers together in a prayer position or Anjali Mudra, rest them on your chest or brow, humbly bow and quietly utter the word, “Namaste.”  You may have then experienced a sweet sensation wash over you as the class comes to an end. As a teacher, this is a meaningful exchange. Even through the Zoom tunnel, I cherish this connection. Why is that? What is happening? 

Namaste has several meanings centering around honoring or paying attention to each other.  The literal translation of Namaste means, “ I bow to you.” It is challenging to adequately define the Sanskrit word because an English equivalent does not exist. However, there are variations , including many deeply spiritual meanings that are used in our western culture. The definition that resonates with me is, “I honor the place in you that is the same as it is in me.”  I believe it to mean:: we are connected in the most basic human way. We both seek happiness and peace.

In many parts of the world, Namaste is used frequently as “hello” or “goodbye”. It becomes a greeting and a gesture combined. You could walk into a store and greet the shopkeeper by saying, “Namaste” and it would be perfectly acceptable to have your hands in Anjali Mudra, resting at the heart, as if the words are coming from your heart rather than your mouth. This greeting seems more meaningful than the “hi” or the “hey” that we sometimes sling around barely looking at each other.  Our culture supports speed and rushing and achievement. In this, we often miss small moments to connect with those around us, even the shopkeeper we just met. 

As our face to face contact decreases due to social distancing and wearing a mask, it is important to remember to find a way to make a meaningful connection. Wouldn’t it be nice to make everyone feel special and happy by slowing down just a little bit to greet each other in a  “you matter to me”  way? I imagine that’s what happens at the end of a yoga class. We share an experience, a little journey both collectively and individually. As the class closes, perhaps we feel the value of that connection and we feel the happiness or peace in ourselves connecting with the happiness or peace in those around us.  

Namaste

Listen Here!

Did your parents ever use the words “listen here!” before a sentence in hopes to alert you to the importance of what they were about to say? Perhaps you know people that still do this. Lately, I’ve been conducting an experiment with myself to notice two things; 1) How often I don’t feel totally “listened to” and,  2) How often I am not totally listening. Listening is a two-way street and when two people are engaged in quality listening together it’s a beautiful thing. However, I’m not sure that it’s a common thing. 

We know that our minds are busy, but do we stop to acknowledge that sometimes that busy-ness is counterproductive as it interferes with our quality of listening? We hear the conversation, but we aren’t completely invested because of a wandering mind. Our ability to concentrate is lacking. We’ve suddenly drifted off far and away receiving the conversation with interference like a bad cellphone connection. Often we are crafting our response before the discussion is even over, and as a consequence, we are not completely invested in what’s being said. Or, conversely, we notice the person we are talking to is half-listening because they are thinking about their response. It’s  ineffective communication and usually not intentional but rather, habit. The ease of our ability to become distracted is an issue.  We haven’t trained our minds to listen. 

Meditation is a practice of acknowledging our mind’s activity. It teaches us how to skillfully work with the mind to notice distractions, our incessant thoughts and emotions.  During meditation, for a  period of time, we consciously become aware of when we’ve drifted off into “thinking land” and we train ourselves to come back to the present moment by using various techniques, most notably the breath, to focus our attention.  So what skill are we honing? Listening! The more we practice engaging in present moment awareness, the better our listening skills become. It can start with listening to ourselves. 

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” - Ram Dass

Why Do I Meditate?

There seems to be a common misconception about meditation, which is,  “I can’t meditate because I can’t clear all my thoughts” to which I say, “well yes, we don’t live in caves.”  We live busy and demanding days and for many years we’ve acquired layers and layers of experiences that dictate our thoughts and emotions. Asking ourselves to sit quietly and wipe the slate clean is setting ourselves up for failure at the start.  It’s  impossible.  

We need our thoughts to help us navigate our life, hold memories, plan for the future, and interact with others. It’s not to say that thoughts are bad. They aren’t. We love our beautiful minds. However, there is freedom in understanding that our minds work very hard to run the show. Our thoughts and emotions have the ability to guide us around by a leash, yanking and pulling in whatever direction they see fit. Sometimes this is helpful and often times, not so much.  The good news is that we can train our mind to be useful and happy. 

Meditation strengthens our ability to see thoughts as just “energy blips”  and not necessarily our true reality or the results of the “leash pulling”.  Noticing our thinking mind and having an internal dialogue about the truth of what’s “being thought” is a type of meditation that can help us consciously  decide what thoughts contribute to our happiness and which thoughts impede our happiness. 

Meditation allows us to sit with our inner dialogue and to intentionally make a choice to not engage, to change the channel, to not complete the story. For example, we sit and notice the mind talking about (insert thought bubble), “the grocery list and don’t forget to get the tomatoes, like I did last time, because I’m always so disorganized and I always forget things, and that meal would have been so much better if I didn’t forget the tomatoes, even the guests thought so, in fact, I’m really not a very good cook at all and if only I could just plant a tomato in a garden...” During meditation, the idea would be to “wake up” and notice that those thoughts are not present moment and likely not very true. You could then return to the breath (or whatever method you are using to help you stay focused on the present) and, ultimately discard the useless internal banter giving your mind a break, like a little rest period before we dive back into the pool of our thoughts all day long. 

It’s not about not having thoughts. It’s about making a decision to not participate  in creating stories around our negative and useless thoughts.  While meditating,  we are saying,  “no thank you, thinking mind, not right now”,  over and over and over.  Sharon Salzberg, a master meditation teacher (and one of my teachers), would call this the most important part,  that moment  we decide to return to the breath.  And incidentally,  she could care less about how many times we need to do that.  

We are not our thoughts. We are the awareness of those thoughts. This is, as my teacher says, “a big ole’ deal” and takes practice to discern. However, when we start to understand this, there is a sense of freedom. Humans have the ability to pay attention to our thoughts, question them, utilize the ones that move us forward and discard the ones that don’t serve us well. This is a tremendous gift. Why not take advantage of it?