How Can I Do Better?

It has been hard for me to write about racial injustice in a way that I feel is helpful, because admittedly and without intention, I have been watching from a distance. I can list all the reasons why, but it doesn’t matter at this point. I’d like to move forward. I have guilt about my white privilege and I’d like to use this guilt as a shove to do better. Or as my kids say, “get woke”. I want to turn toward the feeling of guilt rather than away from it.

 As a yoga teacher, I teach how to feel. I ask students to feel what happens in their bodies, both pleasant and unpleasant. We use asana as the physical practice that forces us to feel our bodies. It’s a way to start the discussion about taking everything in, both the joyful and the suffering.Yoga provides the canvas to get real, with honesty as one of its core principles. One of the five yamas from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, the guide for a complete yoga practice, is Satya or truthfulness. Satya asks us to be truthful in our thoughts, speech and action. We can use mindfulness as a way to remain honest by constantly asking ourselves, “Is this thought true”? Mindfulness holds us to our truth encouraging us to see when we turn away from our discomfort or skirt the depth of our emotions. We also learn to meet ourselves with loving kindness, working to not judge our thoughts and emotions but rather to notice patterns that can be changed or adjusted or eradicated. As we learn to treat ourselves well, we can then extend this loving kindness to the world.

However, in order to facilitate change, we have to lean into what hurts. We must make the time to feel in order to evolve. I’ve been thinking about the man who held his knee against George Floyd’s neck for an unfathomable amount of time. I don’t know him, but it seems a safe assumption that he has a very narrow ability to feel others’ emotions. If a man can hold his knee to another man’s neck, while that man is begging for breath,  he is likely able to go totally numb, void of emotion, an empty soul. How does this happen to a human being? And if the non-feelers in our society increase, how will we ever evolve together?

Maybe we can be better at opening and softening our hearts adding more love into the world as role models, as disseminators of the good.  We can educate ourselves and feel others’ perspectives on the world, see the world as they see it. We can look deep within and be truthful about how we can do better. 

From The Ground Up

Sometimes I feel like I’m whirling around, not completely all in one piece. Let’s face it, so much is going on that I feel like we are all on the verge of tipping over, our roots ripping right out of the ground.  I don’t know what to believe, what to say, where to safely go, who to see, how to help, if what I’m doing is enough, if what I’m feeling is appropriate... you get my point. You may even agree. It’s confusing in a way that I’ve never experienced. Sure, there are people that considered these possibilities, but I wasn’t one of them. I never concerned myself worrying about a world pandemic and I also didn’t think I’d see my fellow Americans harming each other in the ways we are seeing all over the country DURING this world-wide pandemic. Yes, you can call me blind-sighted or rear-ended or side-swiped.  While Bill Gates was trying to alert the world about the possibility of a world pandemic, I was spending time studying and teaching the Eight Limbs of Yoga. Consequently, its what I know how to share right now and it’s what I’ve relied on during these difficult times. It’s as if the teachings are being tested for their efficacy and I’m being given an exam on whether or not I can use them to benefit all humans. I’m trying too, Bill. 

Through my asana practice, for a period of time, I can root down through my feet (or whatever is touching the mat) and feel attached to the earth actually giving my whole system a chance to slow the whirling.  It’s a  physical sense of grounding, which translates to my brain that all is okay in this moment. Each exhale allows me to let go and claim ground, which provides the space from which to grow and be better prepared for those around me. 

My meditation practice provides  the backdrop for grounding my mind.  I sit with my thoughts and emotions and notice when I’m getting pulled-in by their magnetic forces creating stories that aren’t particularly useful and that I spend parts of my day living with. Meditation separates me from my  “thinking mind”  or some say, “monkey mind”  for a period of time, so that I can be in the present moment.  As with any exercise, the more I practice, the more the muscle strengthens. I’ve learned to use these mindful moments as a way to cope with what’s happening around me because its really all I can be certain of,  the present. As my teacher says, the present moment is our refuge. Read that last sentence again. And again, please.

My yoga practice helps keep me grounded, balanced and growing.  Like a Giant Redwood Tree, when we root down deeply,  we grow from the ground up.  We  create a strong foundation capable of facing the challenges,  standing solid and reaching new heights. We can then use this strength to be of value to our forest. 

What do I mean "Love Everyone?"

I know. It’s heavy. It’s a big ask. How is it even possible? Perhaps it’s best to first look at a definition of love. In the case of loving everyone, I believe it’s about accepting everyone. I love everyone because they are fellow human beings  living on this round ball, just like me. Experiencing their life with all its joys and sufferings, just like me. As Joan Halifax said on the podcast, Ten Percent Happier, “Can we hold all beings in our hearts equally?”

There’s freedom in the idea that we don’t have to like everyone.  We don’t have to like what someone did or is doing, but we could try to understand that their life conditioning may be different than ours resulting in actions that may not align with ours.  Believe me, I understand the challenge.  I fail often. I am human. This is the thing: We do the best we can and  we don’t beat ourselves up for failing. We just try to notice when we fall short and do better next time. And, we do that one million, zillion times.  We don’t have to like what someone else is doing or saying.  But we could try to respect them as another human being circling around on this ball we’ve named Earth,  staying alive in the same way, lungs bellowing and hearts beating.

So in this context, love becomes about acceptance. Buddhist teachers talk about learning to accept someone on death row who has committed the worst of crimes by remembering that their actions are a result of what their human conditioning provided.  When Nelson Mandela  had his inauguration dinner as President of South Africa he asked his prison guard to join the head table. This is after, while incarcerated, he had been asked to dig a grave and lie in it while the guards urinated on him.  Forgiveness. Acceptance. Love.

Why Do I Do This “Yoga Stuff”?

What if we were taught in school that we are not our minds? What if someone discussed the soul in anatomy? What if spirituality was allowed to be learned rather than categorized as religion and banished from most curriculums? What if it was acceptable to tell the grocery clerk that you love them simply because you share the fact that you’re both human?  

At first, I learned postures, their names, how to move with the breath and I felt the benefit of my time spent on the mat from a physical sense. Over time, my practice took on another shape growing into a reliable guide for how I live my life. The physical practice is essential to keep my body and mind healthy and clear, but it is just a piece of the whole practice. It’s the starting point.

Yoga helps me respond to life more consciously and I believe, more appropriately. From a place of increased awareness, I am more useful to others. Yoga provides tools for me to gain perspective when things get difficult. It helps me find ease in this chaotic, confusing and demanding world we live it. It creates space for healthy contemplation, welcomes failure as a teacher and is as reliable as my next breath.

Yoga reminds me about the importance of service to others. I’ve realized that service comes in many forms, but the most effective form is simply to love everyone, which is much more challenging than it may seem while reading this sentence. For me, loving everyone requires an understanding that the mind is capable of taking us on a long journey often fighting our ability to let go and just love. I have learned to value decisions from my heart rather than my head, and how to take the time to let things slowly percolate through the heart rather than burst out through my head.

Unfortunately, I didn’t learn this in school while growing up. Wouldn’t that have been nice? I learned it through living my yoga. I am deeply grateful for the teachings and inspiration my teachers have provided.