Did your parents ever use the words “listen here!” before a sentence in hopes to alert you to the importance of what they were about to say? Perhaps you know people that still do this. Lately, I’ve been conducting an experiment with myself to notice two things; 1) How often I don’t feel totally “listened to” and, 2) How often I am not totally listening. Listening is a two-way street and when two people are engaged in quality listening together it’s a beautiful thing. However, I’m not sure that it’s a common thing.
We know that our minds are busy, but do we stop to acknowledge that sometimes that busy-ness is counterproductive as it interferes with our quality of listening? We hear the conversation, but we aren’t completely invested because of a wandering mind. Our ability to concentrate is lacking. We’ve suddenly drifted off far and away receiving the conversation with interference like a bad cellphone connection. Often we are crafting our response before the discussion is even over, and as a consequence, we are not completely invested in what’s being said. Or, conversely, we notice the person we are talking to is half-listening because they are thinking about their response. It’s ineffective communication and usually not intentional but rather, habit. The ease of our ability to become distracted is an issue. We haven’t trained our minds to listen.
Meditation is a practice of acknowledging our mind’s activity. It teaches us how to skillfully work with the mind to notice distractions, our incessant thoughts and emotions. During meditation, for a period of time, we consciously become aware of when we’ve drifted off into “thinking land” and we train ourselves to come back to the present moment by using various techniques, most notably the breath, to focus our attention. So what skill are we honing? Listening! The more we practice engaging in present moment awareness, the better our listening skills become. It can start with listening to ourselves.
“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” - Ram Dass